Conquering Arrival Fallacy

If Not Now, Then When?

How often do we find ourselves in search of what we believe to be the ultimate source of happiness in our lives? It's a common belief, one that I have personally experienced time and time again, that reaching a certain milestone—whether it's a personal achievement, career goal or even a specific state of being—will bring about lasting joy and fulfillment. However, in this pursuit, there's a critical misunderstanding that often leads us astray. This is the essence of the arrival fallacy—the belief that happiness is a destination and once we arrive at a specific point in life, the grass automatically becomes greener and we miraculously live happily ever after.

The arrival fallacy can lead us to believe that life is a series of checkpoints, essentially a race to be won. However, through my experiences and the lessons learned from overcoming various obstacles (i.e. getting somewhat bruised and banged up along the way), I have learned that life is more of a path to be explored, and each step along that path holds its own unique value and significance.  

Imagine the trajectory of an ambitious adolescent, full of dreams and aspirations, that might cling to the notion that true happiness awaits just beyond prestigious academic halls, in the corridors of a lucrative career at a dream company, or in the company of their “ideal partner.” But what happens when these coveted milestones are finally reached? There's a momentary sense of achievement, yes, but it’s usually followed by an immediate, "what's next?" The elusive “happiness goalpost” keeps moving, and the promise of joy continues to remain elusive and slightly out of reach.

In my adolescence and well into adulthood, I often experienced a pattern after achieving something significant. Instead of savoring my accomplishments, I often found myself on an emotional downturn, as if I had fallen off a cliff. Dramatic, I know, but I seriously felt a sense of loss after checking another item off of my “life list.” I would immediately wonder, “What now?” This question generally sent me into a spiral, like clockwork, as I frantically searched for my next source of fulfillment. When I momentarily ran out of goals, I created new aspirational targets to keep myself busy, ensuring there were no gaps in my pursuits. Interestingly, this was all driven by my personal satisfaction, not external validation. I gained immense pleasure from being “on to the next”, keeping my mind both busy and occupied, which is a topic for a future newsletter in and of itself!

This is where the statement “if not now, then when?” holds power. It serves as a reminder that happiness isn't a distant destination, rather, it's something we create for ourselves each and every day. Constantly postponing happiness means we are perpetually living for the future, never fully engaging with the present. There is a wisdom in embracing the present—the here and now—and in finding joy in the current moment. This perspective doesn't mean giving up on our goals or aspirations. Instead, it's about understanding that our happiness doesn't need to be deferred until those achievements are realized. We have the capacity to be happy now, even as we strive for more.

In a culture that often equates success with material achievements, it's important to remember that genuine fulfillment is multidimensional. It includes our mental, spiritual, emotional and physical well-being, our connections with others, and our ability to make a positive impact in the world. When we broaden our view of success, we open ourselves up to a more thoughtful and lasting form of happiness.

Life is unpredictable, filled with many twists and turns, and ups and downs. It's easy to think that happiness is just around the next corner, but the truth is, it's all around us, here in the present. The goal is not to let the pursuit of future joy rob us of the happiness that exists in our current experiences.

So, as we navigate through our daily lives, let's challenge the “arrival fallacy”, reminding ourselves that happiness is not a distant marker, but a present reality waiting to be embraced. And when you are faced with moments of uncertainty ask yourself, "If not now, then when?" and hopefully the response is "now, right here, in this very moment."

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With Love & Grace,

Nakia